My dearest blog readers, I realize it has been a long time since my last post. Thank you for your patience and my apologies for the delay. Let me explain. Apart from my usual optimism and stoicism, I must say that the past six months have been filled with moments of heartache, sorrow, and mental exhaustion. 

Anything Can Happen at Anytime

What began in late November 2022 as a slow decline in my mother’s mental and physical state suddenly catapulted into an acute crisis just a few short months later. 

Long story short, after moving in with mom for several months, our family decided to transition her into a very nice, assisted living facility for full-time care. That decision was complex and filled with much grief and guilt. My mother had always been fiercely independent and had declined my offer to move in with her permanently at an earlier point; I too, struggled with needing to maintain employment while caring for my young adult son with autism.

So here we are in June, and it’s been a full load. Working, caring for my son and his needs, managing my mother’s affairs, fielding never-ending phone calls and emails, attending appointments and assessments, and helping to provide hands on care for her throughout the week have all been an honor and labor of love, though tiring to say the least. 

Caregiving Evolves as Conditions Change

My mother was accepted into hospice about a month ago. As she was not open to medical follow-up, we cannot say for sure what has caused her health problems. My clinical opinion as a nurse: vascular dementia due to a mini-stroke or multiple, unreported falls. She responds infrequently to my presence, has few words in her vocabulary, and struggles greatly with her mobility. She is not the same person; it has been hard for me to reconcile this though I am adjusting. It breaks my heart each time I visit her. I cry every night knowing how she is suffering and how much she has lost in such a short period of time.

Although we have had a complicated mother/daughter relationship throughout my teen and adult years, she was always there for me, and I will always be there for her.

Staying in Peace

Processing my emotions during this difficult and gut-wrenching situation has been quite a challenge, but I am a woman of faith and know that the Lord works in every way that is good. I am also very grateful to my extended family, friends, caregivers at mom’s facility, and the hospice team, who have been so positive, receptive, and supportive of mother’s care. 

A year ago, my sons and I began tentatively planning a vacation trip to the West Coast. Amid all of this, we thought about cancelling but with the support of family and the hospice staff, we decided to take a pause and go on our vacation as planned. I hope to share our travels with you as well.